End of Express

On Wednesday, "The Washington Post" announced that the final publication of its free, daily newspaper, "The Washington Post Express," would be today. Basically, the paper gave the 20 employees at Express and the 75 people who hand papers out at Metro stations throughout the DC area 24 hours notice that they were losing their jobs. This really sucks for them.

The paper started in 2003, and it has been part of my morning commute since I began taking Metro to work in 2005. I’ve made fun of Express over the years and even created an “Express Fail” series, but I always read it. The paper was (I hate writing this is past tense) a good way to catch the headlines of the day. It introduced me to "Pearls Before Swine" and Sudoku and let me know of area events along with articles on sports, television, music, and movies. Plus, the people handing out Express at the Metro stations were almost always friendly. There’s one guy in particular who has distributed newspapers at my station for years, and it’s nice to see him each day. It gives you some comfort and consistency seeing a familiar, welcoming face each day. Today, people were taking pictures with him. I simply thanked him for being outside handing out papers all these years and wished him good luck. He thanked me and shook my hand.

Back to Express, I was honored to have my blog listed several times in its Blog Log feature. This was one such time. It was really exciting, and I have physical copies of them in my home. (Though I’m not exactly sure where. When I find them, it will be a Found in my Basement post.)

The Washington Post seems to blame Metro ridership for Express going out of business. Not the number of riders (which would make some sense), but the habits of riders constantly looking at their phones and not picking up the paper. I'm not sure that I completely buy this rationale and feel like it has to be more of an economic decision.

I guess that I’ll use my commuting time reading books more and catching up on The Washington Post Magazine. It would be great if something similar took its place (or The Post changed its mind) though giving away free newspapers may not be a good business model in 2019. Plus, what's going to happen to all of these yellow boxes throughout the area?

I’m definitely going to miss Express.

Express Fail: Wheaties Edition

Leah Still, the inspirational four-year old cancer survivor and daughter of Devon Still of the Cincinnati Bengals, is getting her own Wheaties box. This is very cool.

So cool that the Washington Post Express included a note about this in Thursday's Blog Log.

One problem...Leah Still's name is Leah Still not Leah Strong. Her dad is Devon Still, not Devon Strong. Express noted that this was from a Mashable article though I checked and Mashable definitely referred to Leah and Devon with their correct last name. So close.

Click here for more Express Fail posts.

Brazil, Brazil, Brazil (Express Fail)

Today's Washington Post Express features three stories about Brazil regarding a tragic bus crash, a massive march against the country's leader and people taking showers on pages 8-9. Guess which story had the most written about it by Express?

Keeping clean is important!

Please click here for past Express Fail posts. It's shocking to me that it's been about 18 months since my last Express Fail post.

Blog Log Express Fail

When I posed the question earlier this year asking if the DC Blogging community is dead, I received some excellent and thoughtful responses about the difference between the blogging community now compared to several years ago. What I did not mention in the post and none of the commenters mentioned was the role Express played in the blogging community. Specifically, for many years now, Express features a daily "Blog Log" highlighting some of the best posts around the web. It was an awesome experience seeing one of your blog posts in print or seeing one of the blogs you read receive extra attention.

Over the past few years, the Blog Log incorporated various Tweets. While sending Tweets on Twitter is completely different than writing a blog post and takes away from the Blog Log name, I understand including Tweets in Express since it's 2013. However, today's Blog Log is just a little ridiculous.

Yes, the Blog Log features two Tweets and two comments on posts. Essentially, there is no content in the Blog Log written by actual bloggers. I don't know what the mission or purpose of Blog Log is supposed to be, but I think Express is doing it wrong. At a minimum, it's time to change the name.

Please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

Louisville's Final Four Run (Express Fail)

Louisville has had a tough road to the Final Four. Not only did they lose Kevin Ware to a horrific injury (I may write about this more next week), but according to Express, Louisville has had an unprecedented schedule as a #1 seed.

For the first time in NCAA Tournament history, a #1 seed played a #13 seed in the first second round of the tournament (instead of a #16 seed) and faced another #1 seed in the Sweet 16 round. I’m amazed that more college basketball analysts didn’t make a big deal about two #1 seeds meeting in the Sweet 16 round.

As always, please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

North Korea Captures Psy (Express Fail)

The big news today is the potential instability between North Korea and South Korea. If you haven't followed the news, here is the basic information from Yahoo/AP:

North and South Korea staged dueling war games Monday as threatening rhetoric from the rivals rose to the highest level since North Korea rained artillery shells on a South Korean island in 2010.

Enraged over the South's joint military drills with the United States and recent U.N. sanctions, Pyongyang has piled threat on top of threat, including vows to launch a nuclear strike on the U.S. and to scrap the nearly 60-year-old armistice that ended the Korean War.

While this doesn't sound very good, the folks at Express apparently believe that war has already started and that North Korea captured the South Korean capital on Seoul. Even worse, the North Koreans are forcing arguably the most famous South Korean, Psy, to perform his follow up to Gangham Style in their captured land.

As always, please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

Update 3/12/13: In Tuesday's paper, Express issued a correction stating that Psy will perform in Seoul, South Korea. Congrats to Express on correcting their mistake.

7 + 1 + 2 + 1 = 12? (Express Fail)

Math is difficult. How else can you explain the total number of visits made by the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates and their spouses to Pennsylvania in the past 30 days according to Express?

As always, please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

Want To Know More About Shear Madness? (Express Fail)

Whenever I struggle to find something to write about, I can always count on Express for inspiration. Last Thursday’s “The Guide to the Lively Arts” featured information about the long-running show Shear Madness.

It seems like Express has a lot of questions about the show. Of course, perhaps this is a new interactive feature where Express asks its readers to answer questions. Or perhaps not since Shear Madness is not included in this Thursday’s guide.


As always, please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

Joe Biden Looks Old For His Age (Express Fail)

In a preview of tonight’s Vice Presidential debate, an event I will not watch due to the Pittsburgh Steelers-Tennessee Titans game,* Express provided the following “Tale of the Tape” between Vice President Joe Biden and Congressman Paul Ryan:

I had no idea that Joe Biden’s middle name is Robinette. I also didn’t realize that he’s 59 years old, meaning that Delaware elected him as their Senator when he was only 23.

Of course, Biden is actually 69 years old born on November 20, 1942.

As always, please click here for all of your Express Fail needs. I may need to create a separate blog someday devoted solely to all of Express’ errors.


* Who decided that it was a good idea to have the VP debate on the same night as the Steelers game? That’s very poor planning unless this was organized by members of some third political party like the Green or Libertarian parties. In that case, well done third party candidates!

Catching Up

In case you were wondering, here is what’s going on in my life. My child recently turned 18 months (more on this soon), and I’m spending way too much time with fantasy sports. I’ve written about this several times, but I have been in one fantasy baseball league for 20 years, or more than half of my life, and in that time, I’ve never won this league. At approximately 9:00 PM Eastern time, I was in position to earn my first championship via a tie-breaker; however, Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers pitched an incredible game causing me to fall into second place. This is an auction league with keepers, salary caps and minor league drafts, so the fact that I finished 2nd place two years in a row in a 12-team league is pretty impressive. With that written, winning this league is on my bucket list!

Now I can turn my attention to fantasy football where I am in 6 leagues this year. My records are 3-1; 3-1; 2-2; 2-2; 1-3; and 0-4. I might be in too many leagues, but I have a hard time saying no when someone asks me to join a league.

In other news, Teddy finally won the Presidents race that occurs at every Nationals home game. Back in 2007, I wrote the following:

Anyway, the big story is that Teddy Roosevelt has never won a race. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson or Abraham Lincoln always win. My guess is that the Nats are saving a Teddy win for a big moment, either the last game at RFK, the first game at the new stadium, or if the Nationals ever sell-out a game, which could happen this weekend against the Baltimore Orioles.

Or when the Nationals make the playoffs. Anyway, the DC media is treating Teddy’s win as a major story. Enjoy information about the race in The Washington Post which includes a quote from an 8-year-old kid who played hooky from school in case Teddy won the race. Boo to the parents for letting this happen. I’m fine with a kid missing school for a playoff game, but missing school to see a mascot race is absurd.

After numerous Express Fail posts by me, an Express Fail went national! [Deadspin]

Finally, since the baseball regular season is over, let's look at how I did with my 2012 Pirates predictions:

1. Over/under wins: 72.5 Correct - 79 wins
I'll go over. It's March, so of course I'm optimistic now.

2. Andrew McCutchen batting average in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under .280 Correct - .327

I'll go over on this one too. I think McCutchen will have an amazing season.

3. Andrew McCutchen - Total HR's in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 25.5 Incorrect - 31

While I do think McCutchen will have an amazing season, I think 20-25 home runs is realistic.

4. Andrew McCutchen - Total Stolen Bases in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 25.5 Incorrect - 21

Over.

5. Neil Walker - BA in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under .275 Incorrect - .280

I'll go under on this one. No real reason why.

6. Pedro Alvarez - Total HR's in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 17.5 Correct - 30

The big money deserves to go on the under, but I'm one of the few remaining Pedro supporters. I'll go over.

7. Garrett Jones - Total HR's in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 15.5 Incorrect - 27

I'll go under only because I'm banking on Pedro playing well meaning less playing time for Jones with McGahee getting significant at-bats at 1st.

8. Jose Tabata - BA in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under .280 Incorrect - .243

Over. I think Tabata will hit around .300.

9. Joel Hanrahan - Total Saves in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 35.5 Incorrect - 36

Under. There will be fewer save opportunities for Hanrahan since the Pirates will constantly win games 10-2!

10. Erik Bedard - Total Wins in the 2012 Regular Season: Over/Under 8 Incorrect - 7

Over. I predict more wins for Bedard in 2012 than Correia in 2011.

11. Josh Harrison walks: Over/Under 9 Incorrect - 10

This is the toughest prop on the board! I'll predict under, but barely.

12. Team bunting attempts: Over/Under 1000 Correct, but I didn’t actually count this.

Over, but I'm not going to actually count this during the season.

Shockingly (based on my record picking NFL games), I went 4-8.

Ryan Reynolds & Unpaid Taxes (Express Fail)

In Tuesday's edition of everyone’s favorite free daily newspaper handed out at Metro stations,* Express shared information about the Ryan Reynolds-Blake Lively wedding.

Clearly Reynolds looks much older than his actual age. Otherwise, how can you explain why an 11 year old Reynolds looked to be in his early 20s when he started on Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place in 1998? He must have been the Doogie Howser of pizza place employees!

Meanwhile, every month Express publishes a section titled “Ahead” which is a continuing education and career advancement guide. This month’s eight-page edition included this article that was previously published in The Washington Post, Express’ parent company. If you don’t want to click on the link, the story is about two Washington-based restaurants that owe more than $100,000 in unpaid taxes and wants its customers to pay the taxes through website donations. How exactly is this career advancement or continuing education? I don’t pay my taxes and we might close, but you can help us stay open by paying our bill. Um, no.

Please click here for all of your Express Fail needs.

* Unless you like the Washington Examiner more than Express.

Pablo Sandoval Traded To Cardinals (Express Fail)

Tuesday's edition of the Washington Post Express showed the starting line-up for last night's baseball All-Star Game. Despite being a pretty big baseball fan, I somehow missed the fact that the San Francisco Giants traded their All-Star third baseman Pablo Sandoval to the St. Louis Cardinals.

This is a shocking trade since Sandoval is an excellent hitter batting .307 with 8 home runs and 30 RBIs despite only playing in 53 games and with the Giants only .5 games out of the NL West and Wild Card. In addition, it's surprising that the Cardinals would aquire a third baseman since David Freese is also an All-Star and coming off a season where he was the World Series MVP.

What makes things even more interesting is that I haven't seen any other reports of a Giants-Cardinals trade and Sandoval wore his Giants gear during last night's game. Joe Buck didn't even say anything about him becoming a Cardinal. Perhaps Express knows something that we don't. Of course, perhaps not.

Please click here to see past editions of Express Fail.

Update: For the first time since I started writing Express Fail posts, Express issued a correction in today's paper stating that Sandoval plays for the Giants. My apologies to Express.

Randomness (PSBT Update, Express Fail & Pasty Butt)

There’s a lot to discuss today, but I have to start with the Sweet 16 round of the 4th annual Best Pittsburgh Sports Tournament. Holy crap! First, there were nearly 1,500 votes in the Behind the Steel Curtain-The “Mc” Effect match-up. While there was some unusual voting patterns using the old software in previous years, this was a legitimate result. BTSC readers were out in full force while The “Mc” Effect got strong support from Waynesburg University. In addition, PSAMP defeated SteelerGurl by only 9 votes, Rum Bunter upset top-seeded Steelers Depot by only 21 votes, and Pitt Script shocked another #1 seed, Empty Netters. The Elite 8 round begins on Monday.

- After almost nine years and over 400 shows, the final Rizzo Sports Weekly show takes place on Tuesday, February 28th. I am honored to have appeared on several episodes, and best of luck to Rizzo in his future endeavors. I just hope that my appearances on the show didn’t cause him to “retire.” [Rizzo Sports]

- This story is about an effort to allow chickens in Arlington County, Virginia. I can’t get past this sentence, though:

Animal rights activists worry that owners can’t care for the high-maintenance birds, which can contract diseases like “pasty butt” and “fowl plague.”

Pasty butt? Pasty butt! I’m sure this is a serious disease, but pasty butt! Yes, I’m 12. [Washington Post]

- Pittsburgh has Anthrocon. DC has Katsucon [DCist]



- WTAE in Pittsburgh interviewed The “Mc” Effect about the “Mc” Effect [WTAE]

- Meanwhile, this may be the first time anyone ever interviewed me. [Behind the Steel Curtain]

- Finally, a brand new Express Fail! Did you know that The Rock was in movie The Pacifier? Neither did I. [Express]

Great Actress Changes Names (Express Fail)

Meryl Streep is widely regarded as the greatest living actress. She holds the record for the most Academy Award nominations with an incredible 16, including two wins for her roles in Kramer vs. Kramer and Sophie's Choice. Streep constantly challenges herself and, apparently, is reinventing herself by changing her name. Express proudly introduced Reryl Streep in Tuesday's edition!



Yes, this is two posts in the same day. Express just makes it easy to write blog posts.

Please click here for more Express Fail.

Vikings Lose Doubleheader (Express Fail)

It's been a rough season for the Minnesota Vikings. At 2-11, they are tied for the second worst record in the NFL. The team has lost five straight games and star running back Adrian Peterson has missed the past three games.

The team hit a new low this past Sunday and made NFL history by losing to Detroit Lions and New Orleans Saints in the same day. Amazing!

Wait, are you doubting that this actually happened? It's true. Just check out the scores from Monday's Express.



Please click here for more Express Fail.

Bruce Boudreau Is a Jedi? (Express Fail)

Matt Swenson wrote an editorial/article in Friday's Express comparing the Washington Capitals with Star Wars. Yes, really. I felt the need to share the article and some thoughts with you.

If Obi-Wan Kenobi had let himself go, and ditched the beard, he might have looked a bit like Bruce Boudreau.

Matt, you know Obi-Wan Kenobi is a fictional character played by the late Sir Alec Guinness, right? Besides, even if Alec Guinness gained 50 pounds, shaved his beard and somehow, um, didn’t die 10+ years ago, he looks nothing like Bruce Boudreau.




Thus far, the two teachers have about the same track record. Each was handed a star full of some sort of force, but neither star has reached the level of success expected of him.

Obi-Wan was “handed” Luke Skywalker who only destroyed the Death Star and later defeated the Galactic Empire. I’m not sure what other level of success you want. Meanwhile, Alex Ovechkin won two Hart Memorial Trophies as the NHL MVP and also appeared in this Eastern Motors commercial.



For those who’ve been hiding in the Millennium Falcon’s cargo bay for the past 35 years or so...

You’ve been hiding in the Millennium Falcon for 35 years, yet you somehow managed to find the free Washington weekday newspaper available almost only at Metro stations or busy DC intersections.

...Anakin Skywalker was the most talented of the Jedi.

Oh, so we’re going with Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan, not Alec Guinness. McGregor also looks nothing like Boudreau.

It was up to Kenobi to help his pupil master the art of the Force. Except for an unlucky few, we all know how that turned out.

I have no idea what this means.

Boudreau has a similarly gifted protégé in Alex Ovechkin. The Great 8 has won plenty of individual accolades, including two MVPs, but hasn’t hoisted the Stanley Cup. And if he doesn’t some may start comparing to Ovechkin, and his hefty contract, to Darth Vader.

Darth Vader killed nearly ever Jedi at the end of the sixth/third Star Wars including children. He was probably responsible for killing hundreds if not thousands of people. Meanwhile, there have been a lot of stories around DC the past few years that Ovechkin parties too much and has gained some weight. Perfect comparison.

It’s early, but this year’s sequel appears closer in quality to “The Empire Strikes Back” than “Attack of the Clones.”

Not only does Matt Swenson write for Express, but he’s also a world-class movie critic.

While Ovechkin hadn’t found his scoring touch yet, the Caps are off to a franchise-best start.

The reason for the Caps' success isn't due to Ovechkin scoring goals, but by using the force from the bench to help goalie Tomas Vokoun make saves.

At least part of the credit belongs to Boudreau, who’s taken a more Yoda-esque taskmaster approach to Kenobi’s pupil-friendly style.

Boudreau spent all off-season watching the Star Wars movies to learn the leadership styles of Yoda. No wonder he talks differently in press conferences this season.

It seems like that’s just what the Caps needed. And, come to think of it, if Yoda weren’t green and were a few hundred years younger, he, too, might resemble Boudreau.

Apparently, Boudreau looks like every Star Wars character including Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca.


I know that it's hard to read, but here's proof that this is a real article and not something I made up.



I also need to acknowledge that this is a rip-off of Big Daddy Drew on Kissing Suzy Kolber.


Please click here for more Express Fail.

Lou Reed Looks Fantastic (Express Fail)

Velvet Underground front man Lou Reed and Metallica are working together on a new album. I'm interested to hear the end result. In the meantime, Express shared the upcoming album name (Lulu) along with pictures of Reed and Metallica lead singer James Hetfield. Judging by the picture, I was surprised to see that Reed looks younger, changed his hair color to red, and appears more effeminate.



You can fulfill all of your Express Fail needs by clicking here.

National Archives Fail

Express printed this advertisement for programs at the National Archives in yesterday's edition.



The Jewish Holiday Traditions and Cooking in America program looks interesting, but, oh, I guess I missed it since it took place on March 25th. Seems rather odd to promote an event that took place 6+ weeks ago. Perhaps, this is a preview of a future event and we should mark our 2012 calendars.

So who is responsible for this error (if it is indeed a mistake): The National Archives or Express?

Please note that we've seen these two have issues before.

Sean's Take On The News

Although I'm a little busy these days, I do my best to keep us with current events and the news. Therefore, I have some thoughts about recent events.

- Mississippi governor Haley Barbour announced that he will not run for President because he lacked the necessary "absolute fire in the belly" to run. In reality, most people surveyed about his candidacy couldn't get past the fact that a man was named Haley. (Alternate joke: He repeatedly walked up to camp fires and fireplaces and instructed the fire to "get in my belly." This turned out to be unsuccessful.)

- The FAA fired a third controller for falling asleep on the job. All three must be new parents.

- Will & Kate's wedding (Do I really need a link for this? I didn't think so.) - It would be ironic if it rains on Friday. There may also be 10,000 spoons at the reception when all guests need is a knife.

- Russian President Dmitry Medvedev (or Medevdev according to Express) hints that he won't pursue re-election. I think he would make a perfect Dancing With the Stars contestant.





I'd love for him to say "I must break you" to the judges.

- The Pittsburgh Penguins meet the Tampa Bay Lightning tonight in game seven of the series. The winner advances to the next round while the loser goes home. Someone make sure that Pens coach Dan Bylsma has a burrito!

Express Hates Passover

This is a different type of Washington Post Express Fail than other posts I've had in the past. In Tuesday's paper on the first day of Passover, Express dedicated an entire page in its Fit Section to bread and cupcakes.



Bread and cupcakes are two items that are certainly not Kosher for Passover. Express couldn't have printed these articles prior to or after Passover?

If you're wondering, yes, I am tired of matzah already.

Completely unrelated to Passover, now through tomorrow (Friday), Celebrate Fairfax is offering an early bird special on tickets for the June 10-12 festival. Adult tickets are only $7 and youth tickets are only $4. Please let me know if you can buy tickets to see Third Eye Blind, The Bangles or The Legwarmers for only $7. Didn't think so.