Thursday, November 30, 2017

The Vasectomy

Let me preface this post by writing that this is TV-14 or TV-MA for content that may be unsuitable for children under 14, 17, or even 35. Viewer discretion is advised.

Nearly three months ago, we welcomed Luigi to our family. We also decided that Luigi would not be an older brother, in part due to some of my concerns already being a father of three. So on Wednesday, I did my part to take one for the team. And by my part, I mean I put on a hospital gown and went to sleep, but more on that later.

I asked multiple people for recommendations for a urologist. When two people, a friend and my wife's OB-GYN, both suggested the same doctor, we had a winner. While the doctor clearly explained the procedure, what I remember most from my consultation was a picture of him with NFL Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana from probably 20 years ago hanging in the lobby. Although I didn't ask the doctor, I wondered if Montana was a previous patient. We'll get back to Montana momentarily.


Prior to the surgery, I needed to complete an online registration. Everything was fine except for the question about the reason for the procedure. I initially skipped this question, but since it was required, this is what I entered:


I mean are there any other answers?

I was also instructed to wear loose fitting clothes. It seems like I had no other options than to wear this:


The MC Hammer shirt was actually somewhat tight, so I wore a long-sleeve T-shirt instead.

Even though I didn't have a chance to start reading, I brought the book Emily Alone by Stewart O'Nan with me. I received this book recommendation by listening to Rick Sebak on a Ya Jagoff! podcast. How Pittsburgh is that last sentence?

To the procedure itself, I've had anesthetic only 2 or 3 times in my life when I got my tonsils out at age 4 or 5, possibly when my wisdom teeth were removed in high school, and now for this vasectomy. I was given an IV and then had a mask put over my mouth. I was out in seconds after the mask was put on. Though I planned on writing everything that happened during the vasectomy, all that I remember is that a Flo Rida song was being played in the operating room. Why Flo Rida? Other than that, I have no idea what happened and how I woke up wearing a jock strap. (On a completely different subject, how did former Pittsburgh Penguin Jock Callander never do endorsement for a jock strap company?)


As expected, when I woke up from the anesthetic, I was a little loopy. My wife dropped me off for the procedure to be home with Luigi. The surgical center called her to pick me up, and over the course of the next few hours, I asked her on three separate occasions what time they called her. Otherwise, I enjoyed the Teddy Grahams the surgical center had for me. Then, I went home and spent much of the day in bed and placing an ice pack on the, um, operated area.

I'm supposed to be sore for several days and must refrain from physical activity. My doctor said that I shouldn't be in a rodeo and do any alligator wrestling. Fortunately, I did both last weekend. (What, that's not part of your Thanksgiving tradition?)

I almost forgot that I received these socks for getting the vasectomy. This really should be a selling point. Have surgery and get a free pair of socks!


I'll try to be delicate here, but this is where the mature audience piece comes in. Despite getting a vasectomy, there are still some, um, rounds in the chamber. The doctor said that I need to be the master of my domain 20 times over the next 10 weeks before I'm sterile. He said that it's both 20 times and 10 weeks, so 20 times in less that 10 weeks isn't enough, apparently. So now, I wonder if Joe Montana had a vasectomy and, like the Saturday Night Live skit, told his family that he needed to go upstairs to be master of his domain.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Post-Thanksgiving Random Ramblings

More and more, I'm finding that I have interesting things that I'd like to share, but they alone are not enough for a blog post. That's going to change in the near future, but in the meantime, here are some random thoughts from the Thanksgiving weekend.

1. Luigi (now almost 3 months) has started to smile and it's a game changer. Previously, he basically cried, stared blankly, or slept, but his smile more than makes up for the countless diaper changes and over two months of limited sleep.

2. During Thanksgiving, my brother showed me a knife he was using to cut the turkey. When I replied, "That's not a knife. This is a knife," he had no idea what I was talking about. My wife and sister-in-law were equally confused. I always thought this was a classic movie line, but it seems like it's not. Do you know where this line is from? This picture should help.


3. One of the cool things about Pedro Tulo's preschool is that they have animals. The kids have weekly pony rides (Pedro Tulo isn't interested in this), they have chickens (the kids eat eggs produced by the chickens), and there is a horse and donkey. I have certainly taken the kids to visit the animals during pick up. Last night, I received the following email:

On Thanksgiving night and the next night, something got into the chicken coop somehow and killed all of our chickens, most likely a raccoon. Despite hours of re-enforcing the enclosure on Thanksgiving Day, something still got in and killed the remaining 4 the next night.

Now, we as parents and/or the teachers are going to have to explain to kids ages 2-5 why there are no more chickens.

Raccoons are the absolute worst.

4. I was recently introduced to HQ, the daily trivia app, which I've started to play in the futile attempt to answer 12 questions correctly and win money. The Daily Beast recently published this story, and the app's founder seems like quite a jerk. I still don't understand how this app makes any money. (h/t @Captain Easychord)

5. There's still a chance to get a $5 MasterCard gift card when you upload receipts for participating SC Johnson products. Plus, five winners each day up until November 30th will be selected to win a year’s worth of SC Johnson products. Please register at Daily Break by clicking on this link.


6. While watching the Steelers-Packers game last night, I wondered when the NBC broadcast would mention that Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy was from Pittsburgh. It took about two minutes. A little later, NBC showed the Pittsburgh neighborhood of Greenfield and McCarthy's picture when he played on a youth basketball team. NBC missed out on a perfect opportunity to also show my aunt's house and the Greenfield Bridge explosion.



7. I don't want to get my hopes up, but there's a decent chance that I'm going to be able to share a very special video here soon. It will definitely get its own post!

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving Message 2017

Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe


I'll have turkey on a plate, but you do you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Turk-ify Your Thanksgiving

You've heard of SC Johnson, right? They are the company that makes stuff that you use and need around the house like Pledge, Windex, Drano, and Ziploc bags. (We go through way too many Ziploc bags in my house as my oldest son, The Moose, needs several per day for his lunch.) Anyway, SC Johnson is partnering with Dailybreak for everything you need to know about Thanksgiving.

Well, everything might be a bit of a stretch, but as a tangent, you know that I love trivia. Well, you can test your Thanksgiving knowledge with a brief quiz. Then, you can get a $5 MasterCard gift card when you upload a receipt for participating SC Johnson products. Plus, five winners each day up until November 30th will be selected to win a year’s worth of SC Johnson products. (Ziploc bags for me, please!)

While registration is required (feel free to use the e-mail address you use just for mailing lists and offers), please take the short quiz by clicking on this link.


You can use some answers to impress your family during Thanksgiving dinner!

Basically, please click on the link and take the quiz. What else do you have going on right now? :)

Thank you!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Random Ramblings & Links

* Someone I've known for over 39 years, who is just like a brother to me, is growing an awesome mustache for Movember. Please support him!


* I've been taking fish oil pills for over a decade to help my cholesterol and recently bought a bottle containing 400 pills. It's somewhat amazing to think that since I take one pill per day, I'll probably have to buy a new bottle at the beginning of 2019.

* Why do I have significantly more gray hair in my right sideburn than my left sideburn? Shouldn't it be about the same?

* James Santelli, a news producer for KDKA in Pittsburgh, created a tournament bracket including times and locations for an American Invitational Tournament, also known as, the Soccer NIT. The idea is that teams that didn't qualify for the 2018 World Cup, like the US, Italy, Chile, and Ireland, would play a separate soccer tournament. James also brilliantly made the schedule so that there would be no overlap between the World Cup and American Invitational Tournament matches. I hope this happens!


* I wrote a letter to the editor to my local community newspaper based on last week's blog post about Jerry Falwell, Jr. I'm definitely approaching old man territory.

* I don't understand how my two older kids can sleep just fine with no blankets or covers while I need a top sheet, comforter, and a blanket or two to keep my feet warm or else I don't sleep well.

* Not cool, Dole bananas, not cool. Why are the peels opening?


* Kristen Bell is helping create (and hosting?) a TV series where former high school classmates will perform their high school musical one more time. My Facebook messages were blowing up (is that term still used?) yesterday with friends and classmates wanting to enter. I know that the world has been waiting 25 years for me to revise my role as Government Man in Lil' Abner, so let's do this Kristen Bell!

* Finally, two Pittsburgh related things.

1. If you live in Pittsburgh's Eastern suburbs, please support the non-profit Lost and Found Pharmacy. Shannon and her husband Sean (who I've met) do really good work and were recently featured in the Post-Gazette.

2. It seems too early to think about, but if you're in Pittsburgh or want to give a Pittsburgh-related gift, check out Heidi's 2017 Holiday Shopping Guide.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Jerry Falwell Jr.: Sore Loser

I planned on writing a detailed post about Tuesday's election results in Virginia with voter statistics, exit poll data, and more. While I still have a few notes about the results below, this tweet by Jerry Falwell Jr. deserves its own post.



There are certainly some cultural and economic differences between Northern Virginia and the rest of the state. The proximity to Washington gives Northern Virginia a much more diverse population with residents from all over the world, and, as my child care bills can prove, a higher cost of living than the rest of Virginia. For example, I think I once read that there are 70 languages spoken at home for kids at my son's public elementary school.

Although I was born and raised in Pittsburgh and will always consider myself a Pittsburgher, I've now lived in Virginia (specifically Northern Virginia) for 16 years, nearly as long as I lived in Pittsburgh. My children were all born in Virginia. I pay local and state taxes in Virginia. I have a (nominal) position on the PTA board and volunteer at Celebrate Fairfax each year. I also coached my son's community soccer team and been a referee for youth soccer across Northern Virginia for well over a decade. I am a member of a synagogue, root for the George Mason University basketball team, and have Virginia 529 plans for my kids. Sure, I would like to do more in the community, particularly volunteering, but I have limited time with three young kids and a job. My point is that I'm a Virginian and you have no right, Mr. Falwell, to think that I'm not based on the area of Virginia where I live.


So are people in Northern Virginia not Virginians because there may be differing political viewpoints? Falwell must know that the majority of money to fund and govern the state comes from Northern Virginia, right? Let's go back in history a bit. There have been 8 presidents from Virginia. Perhaps Falwell heard of one of them named George Washington who lived much of his life at Mount Vernon located in Alexandria, part of Northern Virginia.

You know what else is in Northern Virginia? Arlington National Cemetery, a hallowed place to honor and remember those who served our country. Falwell may have also forgotten that residents of Northern Virginia lost their lives on 9-11 at the Pentagon.

I guess in Falwell's mind, real Virginians need millions of dollars to get their schools out of debt. And you're going to tell me that none of the contributions came from people in Northern Virginia? I'm sure real Virginians also get life insurance payouts of $34 million when their fathers pass away to save their school.

Maybe I'm being too hard on Falwell. As someone from a religious family, perhaps he was devastated by the recent Sutherland Springs, Texas church shooting and finally decided that there needs to be some gun control measures in this country. Due to this stance, maybe he wants the NRA, headquartered in Fairfax in Northern Virginia, to disassociate itself from the governance of Virginia. In that case, my apologies to Mr. Falwell.

Or maybe Falwell decided that it is unfair that nearly 680,000 residents of Washington DC have no representation in Congress and feels like the best way for this to occur is to have Northern Virginia merge with DC. It's not practical and there's no interest from either side to make this happen, but maybe Falwell is trying to bring some attention to this injustice.

Probably not. As someone from a religious family and the leader of an institute of higher education, Falwell should set an example of working together, not helping to spread divisiveness.

Two more election notes:

1. Arguably the biggest election result was Danica Roem becoming the first openly transgender person elected and seated in a U.S. statehouse. She defeated incumbent Bob Marshall who once referred to himself as the Chief Homophobe. He also introduced a "bathroom bill" prohibiting transgender people from accessing spaces that don't match their biological sex at birth. Roem was asked to comment on Marshall after her win and had an awesome response. "I don't attack my constituents. Bob is my constituent now."


While Roem out-fundraised Marshall, all politics is local. Roem canvassed neighborhoods, attended any community event she could, and focused on the most important topic in the community: traffic. Meanwhile, Marshall refused to debate Roem and referred to Roem as "he" or "him" throughout the campaign.

2. When I dropped off my oldest son at school, someone running for delegate was outside the school. I awkwardly told her good luck but that I couldn't vote for her since I live in a different district. When I picked up my son 10 hours later, she was still there. I commented on her dedication being out there all day in cold weather. I was happy to see she won.


Falwell photo from WSET; Roem photo from her Twitter page.

Monday, November 06, 2017

This Blog Is Old (Random Ramblings)

When you write over 2,800 blog posts in nearly 13 years, you tend to have some overlapping topics. Therefore, some of this post expands on previous posts though I have some thoughts/notes on fatherhood, Pittsburgh sports media, and Ithaca College too.

1. Young children completely ignore daylight savings. (I wrote about abolishing daylight savings here.) You know who else has no interest in this outdated and silly ritual? Pets. Your dog and cat aren't setting their clocks forward or back an hour.

2. The tooth fairy certainly has an added degree of difficulty when her work involves retrieving a tooth from the top bunk of a bunk bed. Even The Rock didn't have to deal with this!


3. Last week, eight people were killed in New York City when a terrorist drove a truck through a bike path. Immediately after the incident, there were calls to more thoroughly vet immigrants and New York added barriers to prevent cars from accessing the bike path. Meanwhile, there was another major shooting spree in America on Sunday where 26 people were killed at a Sutherland Springs, Texas church. Yet, all you see from our political leaders in power are thoughts and prayers and no action. President Trump in Japan said "I think that mental health is your problem here. Based on preliminary reports, a very deranged individual, a lot of problems for a long period of time." He also added that "this isn’t a guns situation." If this isn't a "guns situation," I expect that the President and Congress will introduce immediate legislation to ensure that more resources go towards mental health, right? Please let me know when that happens. And yes, I wrote about gun legislation and frustration that there won't be any gun legislation last month.

4. Luigi makes squeaking sounds sometimes when he's in a state between being awake and asleep and even sometimes when he is awake. He sounds like he could be from the Upside Down of Stranger Things!

5. While I didn't attend my 20th year college reunion this weekend, a friend took a picture of the building where I lived for two years. The room was so small, but I loved it for those two years.


6. Finally, I was an early subscriber to DK Pittsburgh Sports since I enjoyed Dejan Kovacevic's work, particularly on the Pittsburgh Pirates beat with the Post-Gazette. I re-upped to the "Lunatic Level" because of his work and the addition of really good writers like Josh Yohe and Matt Gajtka. With that written, there's something not right there. I get that Josh Yohe and Mark Kaboly left for more money at The Athletic. However, the site has gone through so many writers/staff (Neal Coolong, Alan Saunders, Dustin Dopirak, Tim Benz, etc.) in its short history* that there are certainly some red flags, particularly regarding the allegations by Alan earlier this year of the site accessing his Twitter direct messages. (I'm Team Alan in this case as I don't see any reason for him to make this up and he has always been straightforward with me in any correspondence.) Over the weekend, Sara Civian and DK apparently parted ways as her profile has been scrubbed from the website after only a few months there. I'm still a subscriber and I feel like I get my money's worth (and for a whole lot less than if I subscribed to the P-G online), but again something is not right there.


* The Pittsburgh Steelers beat writer position in particular is like the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor position in the Harry Potter books. There's a new one every year!