Monday, October 24, 2011

Bruce Boudreau Is a Jedi? (Express Fail)

Matt Swenson wrote an editorial/article in Friday's Express comparing the Washington Capitals with Star Wars. Yes, really. I felt the need to share the article and some thoughts with you.

If Obi-Wan Kenobi had let himself go, and ditched the beard, he might have looked a bit like Bruce Boudreau.

Matt, you know Obi-Wan Kenobi is a fictional character played by the late Sir Alec Guinness, right? Besides, even if Alec Guinness gained 50 pounds, shaved his beard and somehow, um, didn’t die 10+ years ago, he looks nothing like Bruce Boudreau.

Thus far, the two teachers have about the same track record. Each was handed a star full of some sort of force, but neither star has reached the level of success expected of him.

Obi-Wan was “handed” Luke Skywalker who only destroyed the Death Star and later defeated the Galactic Empire. I’m not sure what other level of success you want. Meanwhile, Alex Ovechkin won two Hart Memorial Trophies as the NHL MVP and also appeared in this Eastern Motors commercial.

For those who’ve been hiding in the Millennium Falcon’s cargo bay for the past 35 years or so...

You’ve been hiding in the Millennium Falcon for 35 years, yet you somehow managed to find the free Washington weekday newspaper available almost only at Metro stations or busy DC intersections.

...Anakin Skywalker was the most talented of the Jedi.

Oh, so we’re going with Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan, not Alec Guinness. McGregor also looks nothing like Boudreau.

It was up to Kenobi to help his pupil master the art of the Force. Except for an unlucky few, we all know how that turned out.

I have no idea what this means.

Boudreau has a similarly gifted protégé in Alex Ovechkin. The Great 8 has won plenty of individual accolades, including two MVPs, but hasn’t hoisted the Stanley Cup. And if he doesn’t some may start comparing to Ovechkin, and his hefty contract, to Darth Vader.

Darth Vader killed nearly ever Jedi at the end of the sixth/third Star Wars including children. He was probably responsible for killing hundreds if not thousands of people. Meanwhile, there have been a lot of stories around DC the past few years that Ovechkin parties too much and has gained some weight. Perfect comparison.

It’s early, but this year’s sequel appears closer in quality to “The Empire Strikes Back” than “Attack of the Clones.”

Not only does Matt Swenson write for Express, but he’s also a world-class movie critic.

While Ovechkin hadn’t found his scoring touch yet, the Caps are off to a franchise-best start.

The reason for the Caps' success isn't due to Ovechkin scoring goals, but by using the force from the bench to help goalie Tomas Vokoun make saves.

At least part of the credit belongs to Boudreau, who’s taken a more Yoda-esque taskmaster approach to Kenobi’s pupil-friendly style.

Boudreau spent all off-season watching the Star Wars movies to learn the leadership styles of Yoda. No wonder he talks differently in press conferences this season.

It seems like that’s just what the Caps needed. And, come to think of it, if Yoda weren’t green and were a few hundred years younger, he, too, might resemble Boudreau.

Apparently, Boudreau looks like every Star Wars character including Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca.

I know that it's hard to read, but here's proof that this is a real article and not something I made up.

I also need to acknowledge that this is a rip-off of Big Daddy Drew on Kissing Suzy Kolber.

Please click here for more Express Fail.

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