Soccer Referee Story

I don’t usually write about my soccer referee experiences. I’ve worked hundreds of games since becoming certified in 1990 (that’s not a typo), and my games aren’t usually worthy of sharing. I’m making a slight exception today. Over the weekend, I worked at a pretty big tournament in Northern Virginia. Probably against my better judgement, I signed up to work four consecutive U11 boys games. For this tournament, that meant 30-minute halves with just one referee. While keeping up with kids in 4th, 5th, and/or 6th grades isn't a problem for me, 4 hours of game time is a lot. And without assistant referees it’s impossible to tell if a player is offsides or if the ball goes completely out of play. Basically, if it’s close, we’re going to keep playing.

Before the first game, one coach approached me about a goal being set about 2 inches behind the goal line. The goal must have been anchored to the ground since it was impossible to move. I mean, Hulk or Thor could probably move it, but the coach and I could not. Naturally, about half-way through the first half, his team took a shot that hit the post, and he immediately started yelling that it should be a goal. Even with the goal set back, it's unlikely that the entire ball crossed the line before hitting the post. Technology used at the World Cup might be able to determine that the ball crossed the line, but they didn't quite have any video replay for this U11 match. Besides, going over the line and hitting the post didn't prove it was a goal. I could have simply called a goal kick for the ball being out of play. And with no assistant referee, I couldn't make this call from 20 yards away. I'm getting really into the weeds. Besides, I'm completely burying the lede here. This coach sounded exactly like Norm Macdonald except that he was not at all funny. 

He continued to complain throughout the game, and I eventually gave him a yellow card for dissent. This follows a trend I've seen throughout the season. So much complaining by coaches and players. Another player on this team got a yellow card for dissent (complaining about calls) too.

The second and third games were uneventful except that both my calves cramped at the same time during the third game. And right when I awarded a penalty kick. That had never happened to me in a game before, and it was quite painful. I limped around for the next few minutes before they finally felt better. After the game, one of the parents of a player in the game gave me some electrolyte powder that I mixed with my water. It was disgusting, and I'm not sure how much it helped.

Then, there was the fourth game. The first half was fine with nothing remarkable. I still couldn't run as fast as I wanted, but it was fine. Part-way through the second half, after a team scored a goal, I pointed to the center circle and started writing this in my book with my back towards the goal. I completely missed some trash-talking and pushing behind me. As soon as I heard the commotion, I ran over, but it was too late. One team claimed that the other started the ruckus, but without seeing it, I couldn't do anything. Yes, I should have waited to write down the goal, but this also wouldn't have been missed with two assistant referees. Over the next few minutes, there were more fouls and more talking and the team leading having their players stay on the ground longer than necessary. Finally, after one player kicked another, I blew a hard whistle and started to run over to issue a yellow card. Before I got there, one kid pushed the kid who did the kicking to the ground. Ugh. Red card. Things settled down for the last 6-7 minutes of the game, but one coach told his team not to shake hands after the game and the coaches weren't exactly going to get drinks together. 

(For the record, I did have a whistle unlike Ed O'Neill.) 

What's funny is that the tournament had a mentor at the field, and I talked with him both at halftime and after the game. Besides waiting to write down the goal and maybe issuing a card for time-wasting, he thought I made the right calls. He basically said that some things were beyond my control. It was reassuring. It also shows that you can still learn even when you've done something for a long time.

Oh, several days later, my right calf is still tender, and I limp around for a minute if I rest/sit for too long.

Friday Video: Happy Endings

You may not remember this, but Modern Family seemed cutting edge when it first debuted. I mean a story partially about a husband and wife with three kids? That was definitely unlikely for many people in 2009. When I recorded Modern Family on my DVR, it picked up the first minute or two of the show Happy Endings. I found that minute or two consistently funny, and I eventually started watching Happy Endings too. Unfortunately, Happy Endings only lasted three seasons. I guess that it didn't get great ratings, but I found it to be one of the funniest shows on television.

I bring this all up because last month there was a Happy Endings reunion as a fundraiser for Color of Change and World Central Kitchen. Sure, a 2020 episode of the show where the characters are all on Zoom isn't the same as a regular episode, but the writing is still there, and the characters are just as fun as they were in the early 2010s. Enjoy!

Being a New Father

After approximately nine months of waiting, our baby boy arrived about two weeks ago. It has been an exhilarating and exhausted experience. It has also been hard, and there is no way that we could have survived the past few weeks without our families. Naturally, like everything else that has occurred in my life the past 6+ years, I feel that it is important to share my notes and observations as a new father.

- On the first day in the hospital room, our child was an angel. He slept most of the day, and I don't think he cried once. Our friends and the nurses told us that this stage wouldn't last, but what did they, as veteran parents and medical professionals, know about our sweet, precious boy? Well, they were right. On what I believe was the third day, our child had moments when he turned into the kid from The Exorcist. The only thing missing was our child's ability to turn his head 360%.

- This may sound odd, but I love the way my son smells. I can't really describe it other than writing that he smells wonderful.

- Our son managed to urinate through his diaper (likely user error by his father) on to my Pittsburgh Penguins shirt. I'm hoping that he's marking his territory as a Pens fan. Otherwise, I will not be happy if he entered this world as a Philadelphia Flyers or Washington Capitals fan.

- Despite multiple requests, my idea of having this portrait of Modern Family's Cam and Mitchell painted in the baby's room was vetoed.



- While I knew that babies don't enter the world all clean like they do in the movies, I was unprepared for the dark blue/gray color of our child when he first appeared. He was fine, but I was momentarily freaked out.

- Our boy has the unique skill of always urinating as soon as you take off his diaper. I'm quite proud. On his back on the pediatrician office's scale, he managed to hit the door with his stream. Again, I'm very proud!

- I have said nipple more in the past two weeks than I have the rest of my life. Sadly, I no longer smile like an 8th grader when I say nipple. OK, I just smiled a little after writing nipple in the previous sentence.

- Meanwhile, I'm not impressed that our son seems to flash the University of Texas Hook 'em Horns sign. There are absolutely no Texas fans in the family.



- Whenever I see or hear the bus passing our home, I realize that I'm going to have to return to work soon. I'm both excited and dreading returning to the office.

- People keep telling me that I look tired. It's probably because I'm not sleeping much.

- I love the fact that the hospital encourages new parents to take stuff. Diapers - check. Wipes - okay. Blankets - sure.

- If it was solely my responsibility to clothe my child, he would wear only a diaper. I can't figure out how to get his feet and arms through his clothes especially since he squirms through the entire changing process.

- When our son cries and I'm the first to get to him, I believe that this is what he thinks:


(Underrated TV show)

There were countless times during the first few days of our son’s life when I questioned if I was ready to be a father. I panicked in the hospital when my baby spit up when I was in the process of cleaning his very messy diaper. Of course, he urinated in the middle of this too. I’ve started to settle into the father role, and while I’m still overwhelmed and tired, our kid is remarkable and really cute. Plus, everything that I’ve worried about so far has turned out to be completely normal. The past few weeks have both lasted forever and been a blur. So as we prepare for the 21st century, I am ready to accept the challenge.*


* This last sentence is a very inside joke that only one person will get. In college during the late 90s, I used some variation of “as we enter the 21st century” to begin the concluding paragraph for nearly every paper I wrote. It seemed to work well.

A Disney Christmas

While watching the underrated* The Middle last night, ABC aired a commercial for Disney's Christmas Day parade. The advertisement highlighted the artists performing at the parade/TV special: The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, Celine Dion and Stevie Wonder in that order. I realize that they are Disney artists and that Disney owns ABC so they want to promote their artists, but did you ever think that you would live in a world where The Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato would get top billing over Celine Dion and especially Stevie Wonder?



* I actually have no idea if the show is underrated, overrated or simply rated. I do know that it's a surprisingly funny show but doesn't seem to get as much attention as Modern Family and Cougar Town. ABC did a nice job with their Wednesday comedy night (except for Kelsey Grammer's Hank which didn't work out that well; to paraphrase Meat Loaf, 3 out of 4 ain't bad!).

Photo from something called disneydreaming.com.

Top Five Comedies On Television

This is something that I have thought about a lot lately and just feel like sharing. In no particular order, here are the top five comedies currently on television:

Big Bang Theory
30 Rock
How I Met Your Mother
Modern Family
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Curb Your Enthusiasm

I cheated and added a sixth since I don't get HBO, and therefore, watch Curb infrequently. According to Jim would have made this list, but sadly, the show has been cancelled. (Can you notice the sarcasm?)

So what shows make up your top five (or six)?



P.S. Don't forget to enter Sean's Ramblings First Contest to win a very nice watch.