News From the Home Front

I have two stories to share with you today.

Story #1:

I’m in desperate need for a new winter coat since my current coat is getting old and the zipper only works on rare occasions. This often results in me putting the coat on over my head and taking it off by letting the coat fall to the ground. You can see why this may not go over well in many social and professional situations. Last month, I went to Burlington Coat Factory to search for the perfect watermelon. (Just making sure you’re paying attention.) After a nearly hour-long search, I made my selection. When I returned home, I modeled the coat for my wife.

My wife: Is that a woman’s coat?
Me: No, it’s a long overcoat.
Wife: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Wife: It looks like a woman’s coat.

I returned the coat several days later and still don’t have a new coat.

(This was not the coat.)

Story #2:

I feel like I can now share this story since the statute of limitations has expired. About two months ago, I cleaned the kitchen including running the dishwasher before I went to sleep. The next morning, my wife started putting dishes away and noticed that some of the plates, cups and silverware weren’t clean. She asked if I ran the dishwasher, and I replied yes. While she put some of the dishes away, many more items went back into the sink to clean again. Since we have a fairly new dishwasher, I said that I would call Sears to see if something was wrong. That evening, I loaded the dishwasher and found that there was detergent in the detergent compartment. (I’m sure that there’s a technical term for this, but detergent compartment works for me.) I asked my wife if she already added the detergent, but she did not. Fortunately, I did not call Sears since the problem with the dishwasher from the previous evening/ the morning was that I never actually turned it on.