Baby Names

There’s a lot of pressure in choosing your child’s name. Your kid is going to be stuck with this name for his entire life. Even if he wants to go by a nickname when he gets older, the given name will still be on his driver’s license, tax returns and all other official documents. Fortunately, I’ve enlisted the help of Lisa Shaw’s “The Everything Baby Names Book” featuring over 25,000 names for assistance. Although the book’s copyright is 1997, surely it can help me find the perfect name for my pending child, right? Well, let’s see what I’ve found thus far.

Bronson certainly seems like a candidate for an increase in usage. Actor Bronson Pinchot may help further the cause. Wow, putting the future of the name Bronson in the hands of Mr. Pinchot looks to have been a bad call.

Did you know that Calvin means bald? Do you know any Calvins? If so, do they have hair? Cal Ripken definitely fits this defintion.



Carroll – Famous Carrolls include actors Carroll O’Connor and Carroll Spinney, who plays Big Bird on Sesame Street. Is the actor that plays Big Bird famous? Is Carroll Spinney truly well-known?

Dean was wildly popular back in the ‘50s and ‘60s, probably because of actor Dean Martin, but today no such actor carries the torch for the name. Oooooo, snap Dean Cain.

Egan (or the variation Egon) – How can there be no mention of Dr. Egon Spengler? Carroll Spinney makes this book but not one of the famous Ghost Busters?

Garth – Sure, Ms. Shaw you mention Garth Brooks, but no Garth from Wayne’s World! For shame, Ms. Shaw. For shame!

Grover - Grovers who have been famous include the Sesame Street Muppet and Grover Cleveland. I love the fact that the Sesame Street character gets top billing over an American President.

Hatchootucknee - Although the book indicates that this name is of Native American origin meaning snapping turtle, I believe that this is what you say to a sneezing gymnast or figure skater.

Hines – Not in the book? Hines is not in the book! BOOOOOOOO.

Jaromir – Great spring. In 169 post-season games, Jaromir Jagr scored 181 points (77 goals & 104 assists). Those are many great springs.

Lombard – Latin for long beard. Perhaps we should have nicknamed Brett Keisel, Lombard (or Lombardi).



Luther – The visibility of singer Luther van Dross, however, may make this name more popular as a first name in the next few years. I’m pretty sure that Luther’s last name was one word, not two. I call shenanigans.

Mark – In 1976, of course, Olympic swimmer Mark Spitz and his victories set off a whole new wave of babies named Mark, but it didn’t seem to last as long as the first wave. Um, Spitz’s historic Olympics took place in 1972, not 1976. Did you stop fact-checking sometime after K, Ms. Shaw?

Ninian – Unknown definition. Is the definition of Ninian unknown or does Ninian mean unknown definition?

Oh-oh-e-so-to-who – Native American (Osage tribe) for seven bulls. It may also mean five hyphens.

Radcliff – Mothers who might choose Radcliff may be thinking about their alma mater, Radcliffe. Really? You don’t think they were thinking about Vassar?

Maybe I should try a different book.