Why Is The NHL Not On ESPN?

It’s Saturday night, and we just got back from dinner with friends. Wanting to see scores of baseball games, I turned to ESPN2, which generally shows sports scores and news at the bottom of the screen. Now I’ve watched enough ESPN and ESPN2 over the years to know that they show a lot of programs that are not truly sports. I’m at the point where I’m used to seeing poker or even the spelling bee on ESPN. However, I was not prepared for tonight. ESPN2 aired the USA Rock Paper Scissors League Championship. I know it’s summer and Saturday night, but why is Rock Paper Scissors on my TV? Why is this on any TV? I don’t even think that Versus would show this.

The USARPS League Championship even has announcers: Trey Wingo and a guy named Master Roshambollah (I’m not making this up). I really hope that Trey Wingo was getting paid a lot of money since he can never be referred to as a journalist again. In the five minutes that I watched, Wingo called a “match” the greatest duel in sports and yelled “what a clutch throw” in response to the one guy going with scissors while his opponent went with paper. I’m sure his professors at Baylor are extremely proud of his performance.

Maybe next week, ESPN will show the politically incorrect version of rock, paper, scissors; cat, tin foil, microwave.