Were you wondering what I actually came up with for my brother’s best man speech? Well, here’s the speech in its entirety, although I removed the names to protect the innocent and inserted a few comments along the way:
You may or may not know this, but this week, this past Monday through tomorrow is National Procrastination Week. In honor of this week, Groom waited until the last few days to write his vowels and I started working on my best man speech yesterday. I began by brainstormed ideas about what I could talk about such as how Groom’s life began, his unsuccessful attempt to forge out dad’s signature when he got in trouble in first grade and our amazing experience taking a cross country road trip together; but I wanted to come up with something really eloquent and special. Since I’m not creative enough to do this, I went to the internet (pause for laugh) and found a site called The Best Man Speech dot com. It’s a real website. Here’s what I found:
It hasn’t always been easy growing up in the footsteps of an older, competitive and successful brother the one who was stronger, could run faster, watch TV later – all that sort of thing.
I really liked where this speech was headed. I mean, I couldn’t relate to this at all since I was the older and successful brother, but Groom probably could. Unfortunately, if I wanted to read the rest of this speech, it would have cost $15 (the actually the cost is 10 pounds but I didn't want to discuss the exchange rate) to subscribe to the website. I’m sure that Groom, the kid who had a paper route and instead of staying home on snow days went through the neighborhood to shovel snow for money, and who, let’s face it is an all-around thrifty guy, appreciates that I didn’t waste $15.
Since the internet didn’t help much, I’ll just fast forward to when Groom moved to City. He wasn’t in the area long when he mentioned that he met someone but we didn’t know anything about this mysterious woman other than that her nickname was "Shul Girl" because they met at synagogue. We later learned that Bride had her own nickname for my brother, Hot Boy. (I thought about pausing to ask, "Hot Boy? Really?" but was talked out of it.) Since we’re all here tonight I guess things worked out; even if Bride is a (awful purple football team in the AFC North) fan. She’ll be a Steeler fan soon enough.
So tonight we celebrate all the good things Bride and Groom have found in each other, a best friend and a true partner in life. May your love and friendship grow everyday you are together.
To Groom and Bride! (Everyone drinks during the standing ovation!)
If you’re a best man and looking for a speech, feel free to use any portion of the speech. Of course, National Procrastination Week is always in early March so that may limit you a bit.