Monday, June 16, 2008

John Rambo vs. Jason Bourne

Here’s an extremely important question to start your week: Who would win in a fight between John Rambo and Jason Bourne? Let’s go to the tale of the tape:

John Rambo

• Green Beret
• Vietnam War Veteran
• Skilled in many aspects of survival, weaponry, hand-to-hand combat and guerrilla warfare
• Awarded Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, Silver Star and Bronze Star among honors
• Disliked by Brian Dennehy
• Partnered with Estelle Getty in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
• Likely took human growth hormone (HGH)
• Married and divorced Brigitte Nielsen
• Played outfield and first base for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the late 80s.

Jason Bourne

• Army Special Forces Captain
• Part of a secret CIA black-ops program
• Highly adept at hand-to-hand combat and also shows an immediate ability to utilize lateral thinking to solve problems. (ex. used a pen to stab an assassin and a book and towel as defense.)
• Seems to run into Julia Stiles fairly frequently
• “Fucking Sara Silverman”
• Stuck to Greg Kinnear
• Probably did not take HGH

To be fair, let’s assume that Rambo and Bourne are both the same age during this fight. In addition, there are no weapons involved; simply hand-to-hand combat. So who would win? Make your selection in the comments and feel free to explain your answer.


lacochran said...

Can I vote for Clint Eastwood circa The Good, The Bad and The Ugly? Much better squint than either one of them.

Mystery Man said...

I vote for Rambo. What a deal for the Pirates, Mike Diaz for Gary Redus. Way to go Bucs!!

Anonymous said...

Jason Bourne, but only if the really tight action shots are used. Rambo would likely get dizzy from all of the changes in the camera angle.

Just found your blog. Dude, you are hilarious! I am coming back regularly.

Sean said...

Great answer Doug! You're welcome to come back anytime.

Unknown said...

JASON BORNE if i choose.
Jason has not only use the hands, but also the brain.