Pittsburgh Guest Blogger Event 2014

Today’s post comes from Tyler of YinZSTER, and is part of a special day of shenanigans from other Pittsburgh Bloggers. You can see my post over on Small-Town Dad, where I write about preparing to be a new father again.

Guest blogger in the house.

There are actually 29 guest bloggers in 29 different houses today, and even one in my house at YinZSTER (what has happened to the moral fabric of our e-society?). But of all the featured blogs, I would be willing to bet that my random insertion at Sean’s Ramblings is the toughest to detect because dude is all over the map and I love it! We’ve got sports, we’ve got anecdotes, we’ve got cats, we’ve got politics, we’ve got things out of the basement, we’ve got EVERYTHING in NO PARTICULAR ORDER at Sean’s Ramblings. My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I realized that this page has been producing more than one post a day for over the past nine years. That’s incredible, and very different from my approach at YinZSTER (because I’m very lazy), so I’m super excited to be featured on here. It’s a privilege.

But wtf am I supposed to write about, when I can clearly just write about whatever I want? That is, as they say, a lot of rope to hang yourself on. Should I write about how orcas are the scariest living thing on the planet? How I always perspire when I write posts (Sean, am I the only one who sweats while he writes? Or is this how you know you’re doing it wrong...)? Should I write about a cool new development in Pittsburgh, like rideshare services? Should I write about how I woke up this morning with all the lights on in my apartment, still wearing every garment of clothes from the night before while lying on top of the covers on my bed? No, right?

I fretted over this, but when it came down to it I wanted to represent for Sean, so I scoured his posts and found what I think I might be best capable of replicating with a little flair: interpretations of song lyrics. I chose three of the Top 10 songs from Billboard’s Mainstream Top 40, which is kind of fun because I don’t listen to much music that humans like. I’m just going straight lyrics here, people, as if these words were found within the pages of a poetry notebook (and, dear God, I’m glad they weren’t). I don’t recognize any of the three songs I chose, which kind of makes me question my lifestyle since these are three of the ten most popular songs in western civilization or whatever it is that Billboard represents. But oh well, that’s for another time and place.

I chose:

• “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. Last week, my good friend Emily scolded me when her coworkers at Branding Brand made a music video that mimicked the video for this song, because she could tell I had never heard the song, or of it, or seen the video. But I do know the guy has a weird hat.
• “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry. Katy Perry is pretty hot, and some of her older songs are guilty pleasures of mine. She has done a lot to surmount the obstacle of being one of those Katy’s who ends her name with a “y” instead of an “ie”.
• “Counting Stars” by One Republic. This is the only one that Sean didn’t touch in his recent post. I had a really great night in February that ended with One Republic songs being played on repeat at The Livermore in East Liberty (lovely place). I don’t know if this was one of them or not, but it doesn’t really matter though because I’m glad to be reminded of that night.

Ahem

“Happy”

Verse 1
Pharrell: It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
Tyler: *braces himself for the craziest thing ever*
Pharrell: Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
Tyler: *slumps in chair*
Pharrell: I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
Pharrell: With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way
Tyler: Holy sh*t, none of this is going to make any sense, is it?

Hook
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Tyler: I put some serious thought into “if you feel like a room without a roof” and I’m really struggling with what he’s going for here. It sounds like a terrible thing to be missing the most critical component of your design, but that doesn’t fit into the context with the rest of the lyrics. Put another way, I take this as “clap along if you feel super insufficient to serve the only task you are capable of doing – because I’m happy”. Right? Clap along if you feel like a skateboard without wheels, clap along if you feel like a television with no screen, clap along if you feel like a toothbrush with no little brushy things part. These should be lyrics to an R.E.M. song. It’s actually totally sad, if you think about an image of someone who feels this level of despair and is clapping their hands to this song with a long face…

Verse 2
Pharrell: Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah,
Pharrell: Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold back, yeah,
Pharrell: Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine, yeah,
Pharrell: No offense to you, don’t waste your time here’s why:
Tyler: Really? Nothing can bring you down from this temporary mood? Mr. Williams, your entire family was killed in a horrific accident.

Bridge
Pharrell: Hey, come on
Pharrell: Bring me down can’t nothing bring me down
Pharrell: My level’s too high
Tyler: The other vehicle was full of puppies.
Pharrell: Bring me down can’t nothing bring me down
Pharrell: I said (let me tell you now)
Tyler: The lone survivor was a serial killer driving the puppy car
Pharrell: Bring me down can’t nothing bring me down
Pharrell: My level’s too high
Tyler: Mr. Williams the serial killer is en route to your last known address
Pharrell: Bring me down can’t nothing bring me down
Pharrell: I said

And then he goes on with more of the same incoherent babbling. Conclusion: I suppose if I had the Number 1 song in the world with this style of writing, it’d be hard to bring me down too.

“Dark Horse”

I’m just gonna skip the Juicy J. lead-up stuff, but he does finish that part with “Let’s rage” which I like.

Katy: I knew you were, you were gonna come to me
Katy: And here you are but you better choose carefully
Katy: Cause I, I’m capable of anything
Katy: Of anything and everything
Tyler: Where’s the like button?

Katy: Make me your Aphrodite, make me your one and only
Katy: But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy
Tyler: What if this was some chick’s online dating profile?

Katy: So you wanna play with magic. Boy, you should know what you’re falling for.
Katy: Baby do you dare to do this? Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse.
Katy: Are you ready for, ready for a perfect storm, perfect storm?
Katy: Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine there’s no going back
Tyler: Dear bro who this song was meant for, you’re courting a praying mantis.

Katy: Mark my words, this love will make you levitate
Katy: Like a bird, like a bird without a cage
Tyler: Caw-caw!
Katy: But down to earth, if you choose to walk away, don’t walk away
Katy: It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
Katy: It’s a yes or no, no maybe
Katy: So just be sure to give it all to me.
Tyler: Where can I sign up? You don’t sound crazy at all.

And speaking of not crazy, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Juicy J!

Juicy J: She’s a beast, I call her Karma, she eats your heart out like Jeffrey Dahmer
Tyler: Wow, little intense there brother. But at least you left out the part where she tries to zombify you by injecting acid and hot water into your skull, like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Juicy J: That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor, she can be my Sleeping Beauty I’m gon’ put her in a coma (woo!)
Tyler: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Juicy J: Her love is like a drug, I was tryna hit it and quit it, but lil mama so dope I messed around and got addicted.
Tyler: So romantic. Maybe if I applied more cannibalism, coma-induction and drug abuse into my courtship practices I wouldn’t be blogging on Friday nights.

I’m done. Get me out of this song.

“Counting Stars”

This post is already too long for me to write about “Counting Stars”, which is just another way for me to say, “Mannnn these lyrics are terrible.” All you need to know is the lyric “No more counting dollars, we’ll be counting stars”. Ugggghhhhhh. Alright, One Republic, how many stars did you count? I have a nephew who can count to 100 – can you get to that many? There is absolutely no point to this song. It’s trying to do the whole, man I got all this money but it isn’t fulfilling at all so let’s just marvel at nature thing, but it fails miserably. Moving on.

Anyway, this is as good a place as any for me to thank Sean for the spot on his page. I look forward to checking out the posts on here in the future, as should you Mr./Ms. Sean’s Ramblings Reader. Like I said at the beginning, I chose the writing style of his that I thought would be the most fun, but there’s lots of cool day-to-day stuff on here and the guy really shoots from the hip. I enjoyed the opportunity, and also have to thank Alexander FIV for hooking us all up. See you around the block, Pittsburgh bloggers!


I hoped that you enjoyed this special April Fool's Day post as part of the 2nd annual Pittsburgh Guest Blogger event. You can also find plenty of other special guest blog posts by checking out #PghGBE on Twitter.