TMI Thursday: Not a man?

I have a fear of Home Depot. I’m positive that the security cameras can sense my anxiety as I walk through the door. It is an intimidating place filled with supposedly useful but mostly confusing items. As part of our home renovation, we took a field trip there recently. I tried to act like I knew where things were located and could effortlessly tell the difference between a lug nut and, um, something similar to a lug nut, but I had no clue. Our first stop was to get new kitchen and bathroom faucets. There were many options, but we sailed through (mostly since my wife priced and selected them on a previous visit without me). However, we quickly learned from the sales representative that we also needed to buy some faucet connector wire things (technical term). They went into the cart. The next stop was to pick up a five-pound bag of non-sanded grout. No problem. Well, except that they only had 10-pound bags. That’s fine. Well, except that I was looking for white grout, but there were at least 15 different colors that were all variations of white. I bought the bright white variety. Over an hour later, we were done.



A few days later, I needed to return to Home Depot to pick up more paint. After waiting over 30 minutes to be helped (don’t go to the paint department at 9:00pm on a weeknight), I confidently asked for two galloons of Glidden Cinnamon White paint. They then asked what type of finish I wanted. I panicked. I went in a completely defensive mode by saying, well, they didn’t ask me that the last time I was here. The patient Home Depot guy told me that I should just check the can I had at home. I panicked again since the can was already trashed. He then asked whether it was eggshell, semi-gloss or flat. No clue. Fortunately, I called home and learned it was flat. I told this to the Home Depot guy and pretended that I knew this all along.

As you can probably tell, the entire point of this post is that when it comes to home repairs, I know nothing. I can change a light bulb, but beyond that, I am useless. Does this make me less of a man?



(I was really trying to find a picture of Milos from "The Comeback" episode of Seinfeld to insert here. Instead, I found a picture of George from the same episode. Plus, I'll share this quote which seems appropriate.)

Another game for Milos!! He's not a man, this Jerry.

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