I'm Officially Old

The title says it all. You're reading the blog of a brand new member of AARP. Let the discounts begin! I signed up for a 5-year contract which included an insulated trunk organizer where I can place refrigerated or frozen grocery items. My contract runs slightly longer than the one T.J. Watt just signed with the Steelers, and I had to pay $60 instead of receiving $108 million. Otherwise, it's almost exactly the same.

In the last two months, I had two people ask if I plan on retiring soon. The first was my dentist of nearly 25 years though I think this was a set-up for me to ask her the same question. Her youngest child recently graduated from college, and she said that she will probably retire in 2027. While I appreciate the notice, I don't want to look for a new dentist. We have an excellent relationship, and I don't want a new dentist criticizing me for not flossing.

Last month, I saw a former board member of my organization for the first time in nearly 15 years. He also asked about possible retirement. In both conversations, I mentioned that my youngest is about to start 3rd grade, so retiring is still many, many years away. 

Finally, I'm terrible about getting new shoes. I wear my shoes out well beyond their life expectancy. My primary tennis shoes (basically the shoes I wear when not wearing "dress" shoes) have seen better days. I went to two stores, and shared several pictures with my wife to get her opinion. One shoe was completely black, and she replied that old men wear those shoes. 

While I didn't buy them, I think I'm starting to meet that profile and demographic!

What's Going On

Once again, I'm stealing Heidi's idea for a "Housekeeping" post to share what's going on in my life.

* Both The Moose and Pedro Tulo are playing basketball this winter. This is the first time Pedro Tulo (4th grade) has played organized basketball, and this is definitely a learning experience for him. I'm hoping that he becomes a defensive stopper this season since it's still difficult for him to shoot. The baskets are really high for a little guy. Meanwhile, this is the third season for The Moose (7th grade), and he has the same coach along with a few teammates from last season. The Moose seems to be all about taking outside shots. He doesn't seem eager to battle with the "trees" down low.

* Hanukkah starts at sundown on Thursday. As usual, I'm trying to promote the pickles at Hanukkah tradition which started in 1998. (Here's the full story about how the tradition started.) While I'm excited to host a pickle taste test at my synagogue as part of our Hanukkah party (per the picture below, the pickles have been purchased!), the main way I'm attempting to promote the pickle tradition this year is commenting on and liking somewhat random Hanukkah posts on Instagram and Facebook with the pickle accounts. Not sure of the effectiveness of this plan. By the way, please follow the Hanukkah Pickles account on Instagram and the Pickles at Chanukah account on Facebook.

* With the temperatures regularly in the 40s, we’re now in dry-hand season. My hands look forward to March and April.

* I’m very late to this, but I started watching Yellowstone. This show proves that I could never work on a ranch. Or get involved in Montana politics. What’s interesting is that I’m watching most episodes on CBS, and thanks to a Thanksgiving marathon, I recorded many episodes from the Paramount network, a station I didn’t know I had. It’s quite jarring watching a show without swear words transition to one with swear words. I think you’re used to one or the other and not characters “changing” their language part way through a show.

* I took Luigi to a birthday party of one of his first grade classmates a few weeks ago. Nothing makes my introverted side come out more than a trampoline park where I don’t know any of the parents and don’t even know which parents are part of my group since there are several parties going on at once.

* My recent dentist appointment was a success. The receptionist at my dentist’s office noted that I’ve been a patient for 20 years now. This is now one of my longest relationships!

24 Hours

On Monday evening after the kids went to sleep, I got the mail which included a rather significant check from all of the games I worked as a soccer referee this fall. Wooooo! Then, I took the 2016 soccer referee recertification test online. (Please note that the next portion of this blog post is about soccer ref stuff, but there's non-ref stuff below.) This 100-question, multiple-choice test is painful. Some of the questions are poorly worded, and there are plenty of others where they are trying to fool you. Here are some questions:

#1: A player, while in an offside position, is guilty of interfering with the opponent and therefore guilty of offside if he does the following:

A) blocking an opponent’s view of the ball but not involved in challenging for the ballherefore guilty of offside if he does the following:
B) running beside the opponent towards the ball without making contact with the opponent
C) making gesture of not playing the ball obvious to everyone
D) none of the above

Does no one proofread this? Although the answer is A, I answered none of the above since I had no idea what the wording in A was supposed to be.

#2 True or false. The ball is in play on a corner kick when the ball is kicked, moves, and leaves the corner arc.

Fortunately, I've taken the recertification exam enough to know some of the quirks. While it's true that the ball is in play on a corner kick when the ball is kicked, moves, and leaves the corner arc, they are asking if the ball is required to leave the arc to be in play. Therefore, the answer is false.

#3 Red #20 is ready to take a throw-in. White #31 pushes a Red attacker down inside the penalty area while jostling for position. You stop the throw-in and caution White #31 for unsporting behavior. The restart is

A) Dropped Ball
B) Thrwo-In
C) Kick-Off
D) Corner Kick
E) Gaol Kick

Is it too much to ask to spell throw and goal correctly?

It took me nearly two hours to take this exam, but I passed with a score of 87%. I don't feel bad about this score either. After the exam, I watched the end of the Detroit Lions-New Orleans Saints Monday Night Football game almost entirely for fantasy football purposes. In a semi-final match, one guy (we'll call him Mike) had a slim lead late in the fourth quarter. His opponent (we'll call him Michael) still had Saints RB Tim Hightower and Lions WR Calvin Johnson. On the last play of the game with victory certain for the Lions, Hightower caught a meaningless 18-yard pass. However, with a half-point per reception and .1 points per yard, this play gave Michael a victory by .1 points. Oh, this play happened just a minute after this rant by Michael:

I *#(@ing don't make the finals because some fat &*^% can't rember to tell the official he's eligible on second down after he remembers to do it on first down. That's the biggest bull &$*# ever in the history of fantasy football.

I feel like the fantasy gods will (or at least should) look poorly at Michael in the championship. Of course, now that I shared this, perhaps the fantasy gods will look poorly at me for the two leagues where I'm still in contention.

On Tuesday morning, I had my regular dentist appointment. I'm sure that I've mentioned this before, but I have a great relationship with my dentist. She knows that I don't floss and never says anything about it. (She also got me an electric toothbrush as a wedding gift.) However, the dental hygienist apparently doesn't know this deal. She asked how often I floss. I replied about once every 6 months which basically corresponds to when the hygienist does it during my appointment. So the hygienist made sure to give the spiel that I need to floss. I'm still not going to floss. If flossing was so important, the dentist should include some with the free toothbrush & toothpaste bag. On a different topic, I need a filling though this is nothing that flossing would have prevented.

This is turning into a very long post. Thanks for staying with me. After the dentist, I took my car to my mechanic for the required state inspection. I've been dreading this since I knew my car wouldn't pass due to an always on airbag light and my driver's side window not working. My 2003 Honda Civic only has 118,000 miles, and I only drive it about 5,000 miles per year. While I definitely need a car, I don't want to put too much money into it or start with a new car payment.

It turned out that the air bag light wasn't a problem. However, my headlights were. Another Honda was there, and I could see how clear they were in the other car compared to my foggy lights. Then, I needed a new window regulator and motor driver. I'm just happy that Warren G is involved with my car.

So my car is now fixed and passed inspection but the soccer referee money is gone.

Finally, I had my soccer referee recertification class. With the class scheduled for 3:30-8:30, I brought snacks and hoped they would provide pizza like they did in previous years. No pizza. I was hungry when I got home but I knew I couldn't eat too much so late. Therefore, my dinner consisted of a cheese stick, clementine, and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Dinner of champions!

What Is The Worst Excuse You Ever Used?

My trip to the dentist on Monday reminded me of a visit to my pediatric dentist as a kid. During the cleaning many years ago, my dentist asked me if I knew there was a piece of bread or cereal in my mouth. My reply was no and that I thought it was a tooth. I don't think that reply went over very well with him.

Possibly because of this incident, I make sure to brush my teeth and not eat anything else after brushing before my appointment. I also learned not to provide excuses to dentists. I currently have a great relationship with my dentist, and she even got us an electric toothbrush as a wedding gift. I think that one of the reasons is that we have an honest and open teeth relationship. Early on, she asked me if I floss, and I said no. She hasn't asked me since, and my teeth have always looked good. I've had other dentists tell me that I should floss, and for some reason, I resent this. It's like the dentists went to some type of school that teaches them to guilt patients into buying floss. I bet Oral-B is behind this!

So what's the worst excuse that you ever used? Did it work?

On a completely different subject, why is there still no updated technology for x-raying teeth so that you don't have to wear the heavy vest?

Trip to the Dentist

I am probably one of the few people who enjoys going to the dentist. You see, my dentist gave me an electric toothbrush as a wedding gift, and she never mentions the fact that I don’t floss.* Even though I’ve moved to another part of the Washington DC area, I am loyal to my dentist and drive nearly 25 miles each way for the appointment.

Over the years, I have got to know the office receptionist and the dental hygienists. I have had one hygienist in particular during my last few appointments, and we generally have a good relationship in which we joke with each other. During my most recent appointment on Monday, I innocently asked her if she had traveled anywhere and basically what was new. After a fairly long pause, she shared that she and her boyfriend broke up. Ouch. My witty response: “Well, that is new.”

She chuckled slightly and continued to scrape my teeth with the metal instrument. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this but during the next break, I asked if it was mutual. Nope. The scraping continued. How long were you dating? Four years. Dagger. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to have a metal instrument in my mouth.** I was digging myself into a bigger hole and was happy not to be able to ask further questions. For example, would it have been inappropriate to mention that I have some single guy friends?

Anyway, I also learned that she wanted to get married and he did not; if she had to tell one more person that she got dumped, she was going to vomit; and that she wasn’t able to sleep all weekend. Now I start to worry about the scraping instrument near my tongue and gums. During the next break, I manage to change the topic to soccer refereeing and annoying soccer parents and coaches. Good times!

Oh, and no cavities!


* I’m going to use lacochran’s footnotes again. While there’s a high probability that Oral-B sent my dentist the toothbrush for free, she didn’t have to give it to me as a gift. How many dentists do you know that give their patients gifts? The mini tube of toothpaste doesn’t count!

** This sentence sounds wrong.