Monday, April 27, 2020

The Unauthorized 2020 Pittsburgh Steelers Draft Recap

The 2020 NFL draft took place Thursday through Saturday, and I'm here to once again provide in-depth coverage of the Pittsburgh Steelers draft picks. And by in-depth, I mean that I provide some meaningless (to many people) facts about each player, usually based on their name.

Round 2: Pick 49 - Chase Claypool, WR Notre Dame

First, since the children's cartoon Paw Patrol still gets played in my home, it's always appropriate to share that Chase is on the case! In addition, a clay pool sounds like it would be an awful place to swim. Better than a concrete pool or a steel pool, but still not pleasant. Now that I got that out of the way, it's important to note that Chase Claypool could be the most successful athlete born in Canada in Pittsburgh sports history! Well, besides Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, Jason Bay, Ron Francis, Rick Kehoe, Kris Letang, Marc-Andre Fleury, Jean Pronovost, Matt Murray, Pascal Dupuis, Paul Coffey, Chris Kunitz, and about 100 other Pittsburgh Penguins. Fine. Just be better than Justin Mourneau's stint as a Pirate and that would be a success!

Round 3: Pick 102 - Alex Highsmith, LB Charlotte

I was all set to make a Police Academy reference, but then I realized that the character's name was Hightower, not Highsmith. In that case, do you remember the former Houston Oilers RB Alonzo Highsmith? He was good. There doesn't seem to be any relation between the two Highsmiths, so I'll just include this picture from Police Academy.

Round 4: Pick 124 - Anthony McFarland Jr., RB Maryland

I spent way too long trying to figure out if Anthony McFarland Jr.'s is the son of Anthony "Booger" McFarland, who was a former NFL player and now an ESPN broadcaster on Monday Night Football. He is not. Can we still call him Junior Booger?

Round 4: Pick 135 - Kevin Dotson, G Louisiana

I see the name Dotson, and I think of the Datsun car company which makes me think of the line "He gon' make it to a Benz out of that Datsun" from Kanye West's Gold Digger.

Round 6: Pick 198 - Antoine Brooks Jr., S Maryland

I got nothing here. There was a Kevin Costner movie several years ago called Mr. Brooks, but I didn’t see it.

Round 7: Pick 232 - Carlos Davis, DT Nebraska

Clearly, Carlos’ nickname has to be Carlos Danger. It’s an awesome name that’s never been used before. Oh wait. Don’t use that nickname, Carlos!

Some of the undrafted rookie free agents

FB Spencer Nigh (Auburn)

The fullback is nigh! (While I’m guessing that Spencer for Hire here has heard the phrase the end is nigh thousands of times, has he ever heard the expression the fullback is nigh? Get Pittsburgh sportscaster Bob Pompeani on this immediately!)

DB Trajan Bandy (Miami (Fla.)

Trajan Bandy will try to become the first person named Trajan in NFL history. He also wore the turnover chain at Miami.

LB James Lockhart (Baylor)

A bold move to draft the former Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. Fortunately, defense is part of the title for someone who plays linebacker.

LB John Houston (Southern California)

You may know John Huston as an Oscar-winning filmmaker who has credits including The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and Prizzi's Honor. You may also know Huston as the father of Anjelica Huston. Let's hope that this John Houston directs the Steelers to a Super Bowl championship! (See what I did there!)

P Corliss Waitman (South Alabama/Mississippi State)

The second song on The Velvet Underground's debut album "The Velvet Underground & Nico” is "I'm Waiting for the Man." Of course, the album may be best known for this album cover by Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol was born in Pittsburgh, and the Andy Warhol Museum is located on the North Shore of Pittsburgh just slightly more than a half mile away from Heinz Field. Makes perfect sense for the Steelers to draft a player named Waitman who can probably punt the ball from a Heinz Field parking lot to the museum!

If you want to see previous Steelers, Pirates, and Penguins draft recaps from the last decade, please feel free to click here. See for yourself if some of my jokes and observations are still relevant or hold up today!

Photo of Trajan Bandy by Al Diaz of The Miami Herald.

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