Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Major Announcement: Sean 2020

I'm concerned about the present state and future of our country. Too much division and not enough working together to find some common ground. I think I can help bring the country together. Therefore, I am proud to announce that I am forming an exploratory committee for the a 2020 Presidential bid. You’re probably thinking, Sean, why would I vote for you to be President of the United States? My response is that I created a comprehensive platform back in 2012, and I still stand by this today. (Well, except for the NHL lockout part since there currently isn’t a lockout, but as President, I pledge that I will ensure that there is no lockout or strike when the current agreement between the players and owners ends.)

You’re probably also thinking, we’re a divided country, so how are you going to bring us together? I have several ideas. The first is to force Tom Brady to retire from the New England Patriots after this Sunday’s Super Bowl. I realize that I may lose significant votes in Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, and Maine, but I feel like I can win them back with this argument. The rest of the country is tired of seeing the Patriots appear in the Super Bowl, so forcing Brady to leave that team is an automatic win. For Patriots fans, don’t you want to see how the team plays without Brady but with Bill Belichick still as coach? This has been a hypothetical discussion for years. Now we can see it happen. Plus, can Brady win as QB for another team without Belichick? The country can really get behind this.

We can also bond on criticizing the Academy Awards for making the absurd decision not to nominate Won't You Be My Neighbor for Best Documentary. Instead, the Academy gave a nomination to Free Solo, even though we saw that movie 30 years ago when it was called Return of the Jedi.

I'm still not sure what we can do about this injustice. Maybe sanctions? Maybe it's just teaching the country about the legacy and importance of Mister Rogers.

You probably wonder why I'm announcing my candidacy now. It's still many months before the primaries and the Iowa caucus begin. (Something else we can agree on...caucus is a funny word!) Well, one year ago last week, I had surgery on my dislocated wrist. Many people thought I would never become a PGA golfer, compete in a tennis Grand Slam event, or pitch in a MLB game. Well, I proved everyone wrong. I mean, I haven't done any of these things (yet), but my wrist is as healthy as it's going to be, so I'm just waiting for the call.

This is the difficult part. I need volunteers to serve on my exploratory committee. Your important job will be to poll the country and see if I have a chance to compete. I also don’t have Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz money, so if you could contribute a few million dollars, that would be great.

I’m thinking that being on this committee will not be a very time-consuming endeavor!

The Brady-Belichick picture is from USA Today.

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