How Do You Become A Socialite?

Perhaps you watch the news and have seen the multiple stories about the David Petraeus affair. With the election over and the media apparently finished covering the Hurricane Sandy clean-up efforts, the Petraeus story currently leads every newscast and appears on most newspapers' front pages. One of the key figures in this story is Jill Kelley described as a "Tampa socialite." My question (if you couldn't tell by the title) is how does one achieve the socialite status? Are there male socialites? Regardless, consider this my application to the members of the socialite board to become a socialite. Here are my qualifications:

- I am an avid reader often reading nearly a dozen books each day. I'm happy to discuss the merits and flaws of The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Dr. Seuss's ABC: An Amazing Alphabet Book any time.

- I still write a blog. How quaint!

- I am a certified soccer referee. If this doesn't qualify me to join the socialite community, I don't know what does. (And I clearly don't know what does.)

- I regularly fall asleep on the couch, often as early as 9:30 or 10:00. Maybe I shouldn't include this in my application.

- Every socialite needs some trivia in their lives, right? Well, I just so happen to attend trivia nights several times per month.

- The socialite community certainly needs fantasy football leagues. I am a commissioner of one league and participate in several other leagues, so I would be the perfect fit. Plus, my teams this year are mediocre (or worse) so this could help boost the self-esteem of others in the league.

- If being a good cook is a requirement, I could be out; however, I make a mean spinach pasta dish topped with feta cheese. (Note to self: Need to make the spinach pasta meal topped with feta cheese.)

Overall, the socialite community might need some good PR, and including me as a socialite would be a good step in making this happen.

I look forward to hearing from Ms. Kelley or any of the Real Housewives on my application. Thank you.