Crazy Soccer Coach

Since the spring soccer season has started and I am back to being a referee again, I figured I would share this story of soccer coach Michael Kinahan of Scituate, Mass. who coached the 6- and 7-year-old girls team "Green Death." (Courtesy of Deadspin.)

Here are some highlights in the introductory e-mail to the parents:

Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don’t need to talk to me.

Want more?

But it is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks. I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up at each and every game and know they are playing for something.

A little more?

Don’t animals eat what they kill (and yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat too – it isn’t grown in plastic wrap)? And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies. No junk food. Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy. And at the risk of stating the obvious, blue slushies are for winners.

Why not go after the refs?

If the refs can’t handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistle. The sooner they figure out how to make a decision and live with the consequences the better. My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people.

I want to address the referee portion since, well, I am one. The officials for a game of 6 and 7 year-olds are generally new refs who themselves are probably only 14-16. They are put on this level to get game experience and help the kids learn the rules of soccer and enjoy the sport. So you're abusing a 14 year-old? Does that make you feel good? If Mr. Kinahan had an experienced ref on during one of his games, he would not make it to the second half.

The Patriot Ledger has some great comments by those for and against Kinahan. Oh, according to the comments, it was a 12 year-old ref. Even better!

In case you're wondering, I'd guess there is a 99% chance that I'll be a youth soccer coach myself someday.