Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Best Names in Steelers History

For no apparent reason, I am proud to introduce the all-time greatest names in Pittsburgh Steelers history. Please note that this is not in any particular order with the exception of #1.

Tunch Ilkin

There’s no better way to start this list than by including probably the only player in Steelers history born in Istanbul (not Constantinople). This two-time Pro Bowler would have made this list even if his last name was Smith or Black. Actually, Tunch Black is a pretty awesome name.



Hines Ward

Anytime a player shares his name with an international company based in Pittsburgh and plays in a stadium with the same name (even if spelled differently), he makes the list. If I ever create the all Pittsburgh Pirates name team, PNC Jones would definitely be on it.

Troy Polamalu

Polamalu. It just rolls off the tongue. In case you were wondering, including Troy is an excuse to share this song again.



Orpheus Roye

This list would not be complete without a player named for (according to pantheon.org) “the greatest musician and poet of Greek myth whose songs could charm wild beasts and coax even rocks and trees into movement.” If Roye ran straight at a rock or tree, I think they would move for him too.



If I created an all-nickname team, Jerome “The Bus” Bettis, Beltin’ Delton Hall and Mean Joe Greene all would have easily made the cut. However, I’m sure if any of these former players introduced themselves to you, they would say, Hi. I’m Jerome, Delton or Joe respectively. They wouldn’t say I’m The Bus, Beltin’ Delton or Mean Joe at a dinner party or church. This brings us to a special group of individuals on my all-name team who would go by their nickname in almost all occasions.

Willis Hope Thompson
Evander Hood
Walter Andrew Brister III
Byron Morris
John Fuqua


You just can’t have an all-name team without Weegie, Ziggy, Bubby, Bam & Frenchy!

Deon Figures

I love names that can also be a phrase or sentence.

Kimo von Oelhoffen

Sorry Bengals fans.

Antwaan Randle El

El yeah!



Dwayne Woodruff

The only reason Woodruff makes this list is because my brother and I used to refer to him as Woodel Woodel growing up. I have no idea why. Maybe I had trouble pronouncing “ruff” which might explain why I called that crime dog McWoodel.

Plaxico Burress
Crezdon Butler
Chidi Iwuoma


These three players would likely compete with Tunch and Orpheus for the greatest first name in team history.

Louis Lipps

One of my favorite players in team history. For the longest time, I also thought that the restaurant Hot Licks was actually named Hot Lipps after the Steelers wide receiver.



Walter Abercrombie

It’s nice to see that he’s done well after his playing days by teaming up with Mr. Fitch in creating a clothing company.

Yancey Thigpen

The first name Yancey or the last name Thigpen alone probably wouldn’t make the list. Yancey and Thigpen together: magic!

Franco Harris

I can’t exclude a man who has his own Italian army.



We’ve now come to the greatest name in Steelers history. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce



Just kidding.



Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala

This is clearly and I would say unanimously the top name in Steelers history. Chris Berman and the ESPN football crew are a little tired these days; however, the highlights of them saying that this running back was a bad Mala Fala still makes me smile. Besides, Fuamatu-Ma’afala is only one of two Steelers that has an apostrophe in his name. (The other is the memorable Ta'ase Faumui, a fourth round draft pick in 1994. You don’t remember Faumui?)

Please note that this list is for entertainment purposed only. Don’t freak out if I missed someone. With that written, please share players I missed in the comments section below.

7 comments:

Mira said...

Funny! Kevin will appreciate this. He keeps a funny names list too. It was a small consideration in his fantasy football draft.

Mr. Brame said...

Um, I hate to be a contrarian, but the greatest Steeler name of all time is Dick Shiner.

Here is is football card:
http://couchfiresports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/DickShiner.jpg

Messiah said...

You left out Duval Love, the smoooooothest lineman in the then-NFC Central??

Sean said...

Mira - Please pass this on to Kevin. I'd love to hear what he thinks of this.

Mr. Brame - A huge omission on my part to not include Dick Shiner. I still think Fuamatu-Ma'afala is a better name, but it's a close call. Thanks for adding him to the list!

Messiah - Duval Love is a good name. I also strongly considered Larry Foote. (I know that the NFC Central reference was a typo.)

Captain Easychord said...

you totally left out Weegie Thompson....

Captain Easychord said...

.... er... ha! on second thought, you didn't... missed his "real" name just skimming through...

Messiah said...

Yeah, just a typo. The A and the N are really close on the keyboard.

There's also lime-ass.